The Real Enemy

Through trials and strife, I will bloom
Faith will begin to radiate
For the changes seen that grow around
Cannot just be the hands of fate

God's mighty powerful hand
Controls my destiny
If only I can trust more when it's tough
Relying less on me

The plans our Father has for my time
I cannot understand
But, unconditional love I can place
Making my destiny more grand

Riches in material things
Is not my goal for life
Riches in spirit, love, and wisdom
I can gain through my strife

Promised to me by my Lord
When I hand to Him my all
Reliance on my Savior
Who overcame the Fall

Responsibility I must take
In my self made decisions
Recognizing the real Enemy
His self glorifying mission

Blaming the Lord for my woes
Aggrieves only me
It furthers Satan's goal
Affecting my destiny

Today as events seem better
It's easy for me to say
The Lord had a helping hand
In creating my superior day

But, when things begin to disintegrate
I pray to my Father now
That I will have the presence of mind
To continue on my knees to bow

Nonsense

Book, paper, talking tree
Nonsense words that fill me
Concentration has been shot
Can a brain begin to rot?

Grab for rational words to hear
For nonsense I can no longer bear
Cohesion seems to be all gone
Humming the tune to the same old song

Today's complaints, same as the past
Always want knowledge of how long this will last
Answers few, questions many
Attempts at a cure, I've tried plenty

At wit's end, words upon words
Can't even read, how's that for absurd
Funny the things that used to be easy
Getting out of bed, dressed and ready

For now each act is heavy labor
Each decision feels like a huge favor
To those that depend upon my care
But instead in my turmoil committed to share

Tick Tock

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Heartbeat of the bedroom clock
One second becomes eternity
Sanity locked up without a key

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
The Enemy begins to mock
Energy low, nothing to battle
No sleep, easy to rattle

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Relief ventures a knock
With sanity behind fastened doors
Madness revels, feeling sure

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Head pang, assault of a rock
Side effect of the fix
Hope is lost, not worth the risk

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Nothing to stop the bedroom clock
Maniacal wins, a bit after 4
Dispirited by the apparent cure

Poems Written a Few Weeks Back

I forgot to add these. These were written a couple of weeks ago.

Wings

Wings of a bird so young 

Closed and unable to fly 

The song of a baby bird sung 

Peeps, attempts and shy

 

Become, I have, like that young bird

Fearful of leaving its nest 

An adult's life that's become absurd

Unable to pass life's test

Praying I'll grow like the chick will 

And my wings will open wide 

Sitting upon my window sill 

Anticipating my very first glide 

Trusting God as the hatchling does

Upon it's first leap from the tree 

I will open wide my wings because I'm secure

He'll take care of me

Reality

The vast depths of the ocean

The crashing waves upon the sand 

Beauty found, peace surrounds

Eyes closed, listening on land

Staying in that peaceful place

Where the beauty captivates

Keeping my eyes closed tightly

As life around me refuses to wait

For on the sand I prefer to stay 

It's safe, secure and free 

Afraid I am to open my eyes 

Petrified of what might be

For once my eyes are no longer bound 

Reality I will find 

Debris, polluted water and sand

Beauty washed away from my mind

Survival

Cave so dark, quiet fear
Signs of danger I can hear
Survival depends on being sure
Predators I do not lure

One mistake and it's complete
By my own fault I will be beat
Private silence to take the time
My fate relies on my mind

For an unclear mind can deceive
And trap me into false belief
That choices made are all mine
When in fact that is a lie

The predator will come and devour
If I retreat and hand over the power
The type of mind needed in this situation
Is strong willed and filled with clarification

The reality brings me back to fear
Since my mind is lost and unclear
To be reliant on myself to exist
Promotes the panic to persist

Survival is left more to fate
As I sit back in prayer to wait
God speaks and calls me to His side
He says that with me He'll abide

Trust in Him I"ll have to place
For alone it's sure I'll lose the race
I"m reminded of Daniel in the Lion's Den
Encouraged by God claiming me as friend

Through the dark, I'll find the light
No longer blind, with newfound sight
Admit with trepidation I still stroll
Breaking free of the cave remains the goal

Uneasy the walk still is
With shaky faith that I give
My life to the Savior that I claim
So that once cave free I will be sane

Destination

Blowing in the wind, a leaf so high
Boundaries it knows not of as it floats
No destination as it circles the sky
Just freedom, pure freedom it promotes

Enjoying the exquisiteness of the earth below
Not looking for another leaf in which to see
Flying around in glory, with the wind it flows
Happier than when it left the tree

The branches held it tight, never letting go
Living with the green each and every day
Now its color is so bright, it's putting on a show
Admired now, most pleasant some would say

But the wind begins to howl and the leaf loses control
The colors are now fading to a brown
For the life begins to fade, and still without a goal
The brown leaf's ride has ended on a down

Fantasy

When the heartache begins to lift
And I start to feel alive
When hope begins to settle in
I find it's all a lie

For then the mind begins to race
With a blissful melody
That transforms into a bitter tune
The soul does not find pretty

With every time that hope is false
The sorrow grows further deep
For the cycle seems to never end
And I begin to weep

Unconditionally

It is clear that each one holds an opinion
Family and friends, with good-hearted intentions
Sometimes it's the right thing, sometimes it's the wrong
But, each time that they try their love's showing strong

The good-hearted intentions can just as well hurt
Preconceived notions and colloquies curt
The agony positioned upon my sleeve
Heartache and tears for all to see

Sometimes it's the hurdle I can't overcome
The dejected melody that can't be sung
Looking around for the support that I crave
Knowing the fight alone I'm not required to brave

It's only with You, Lord,that I can come clean
It's Your love, Lord, that provides what I need
It's perfect, it's sacred, it's more than a dream
It's unconditional love, love dispensed for free

To be loved with no conditions
To not have any inhibitions
To know I cry out and you see all my flaws
To know that you carry me through all the trials

To know I am weak, and you Lord are strong
And you love me, completely, whether I'm right or I'm wrong
It's what gets me through my day
It's what picks me up, Lord, and shows me the way

It's the love that only can come from One
The Trinity: Holy Spirit, Father and Son
It's you, God, that I call upon
When I'm weak and can't bring myself to go on

Lord, it's you. It's unconditionally, You.

Direct Our Discipline

(This one may be a little more personal as my daughter that suffers from a mood disorder was struggling to keep it together. As we both continue the medication adjustment game, emotions are on high alert. As she screamed for an hour over a simple chore(and no, during her stable times she doesn't do this!!), I was at my end wondering how exactly to approach the situation...)

There are many things in this life, You ask us to let go
Deciphering what to keep, relieve is difficult to know
Discipline our children as You discipline Yours
Should arguments abound over simple things like chores

Your love so great, Your wisdom pure, You raise your children well
Without your purity and insight, how can we ever tell
What is it we should say, what is it we should do
Our children have many struggles, many crying out to you

Without a direct answer, how can one so small
Be expected to hold on to faith, they never felt at all
You welcome children with open arms and great massive love
Still in innocence they are, but don't know how to look above

It's to our keeping, their growth you trust
How do we decipher insignificant and must
Your truth in word, your truth in print is available
But, without concentration, finding it we're unable

Speak to our hearts, deep to our souls
Help keep our children from the cold
From impatient bitter hearts setting in
Defrost our core and guide our discipline

Assurance (2009)

Lord, I wake this morning, with stresses all around
Lead me in this day, as new issues abound
I bow down at Your feet, questioning Your desire
Turn my heart from coldness, make my Love for You on fire

Have my trust flourish, my belief in You stay strong
Give me patience, perseverance as the feud remains long
Aid my family to unite, depend on You to get us through
Wash the doubt away from those who blame our troubles all on You

The difference in assurance that You are on our team
Can hinder the healing needed, creating compassion to grow mean
Reach out to those who need Your touch, who need to know You're there
For the hopeless in our family will concede, and fail to care

I lay my heart at Your feet, my desires for You to hear
Giving You all I have, so this struggle I can bear
Guide me with Your mercy, embrace my family today
Rid me of my weariness, have my trust in Your Will not fray