My Rock

See, taste, touch, smell and hear
All of the things I cannot bear

My heart aches to the sound of Your voice
Feeling distant from Your handed out joys

My soul desires to feel Your love in my heart
But, like a sword piercing,I can feel we're apart

My dry mouth desires the water of life
But, thirsty I continue through my strife

My being craves the beautiful scent of a rose
Sickly odors remind me You're no longer close

My eyes dream of heaven's celestial view
But, here and now, I only see me without You

Since You promised to never leave my side
I can only conclude, it's me who chose not to abide

And I open my mouth, and call to you bold
My eyes filled with tears, my hands in a fold

Breathing in deep, hoping not to hear "who?"
Praying You'll know my hunger for You

I silently, breathlessly, wait for a reply
Knowing Your love will make my soul fly

And you never abandon, never walk out
Your arms open wide, You whisper, "no doubt"

"I will always welcome my sheep that are lost
You are accepted here without any cost."

And, so now my heart leaps with joy on this day
The day I thank the Lord, He never goes away

If I were in Heaven

If I were in heaven, there would be no pain
No stress, no shouts and I would be sane

If I were in heaven, there would be no crying
No why me's, how comes, or days of sighing

If I were in heaven, the sky would be blue
The angels would be singing their praises to You

If I were in heaven, Lord, You'd be there
I could be overweight, poor, but I wouldn't care

If I were in heaven, I'd feel Your love
No longer separated, me here, You above

If I were in heaven, then you accepted me
I'd know for sure, that I was sin free

If I were in heaven, Lord, I'd be on my knees
Worshiping You for all eternity

Unhappily Happy

Unhappily happy, Joyously sad
Hopelessly hopeful, bitterly glad

These are the things that fill up my day
Unsure as to why this game I must play

For joyously sad that life is to be
Unhappily happy, no peace I see

Mixed up in ways only I seem to know
Others assure me this isn't so

For this illness within, is an illness without
Cures, knowledge of ways to get out

Out of my system, out of my mind
Well, out of my mind is where I am all the time

But the illness seems stuck within me, it's true
So, hopelessly hopeful we'll do away with the blue

Royalty

Sit,wait, watch, see
What will become of me
Never know each passing hour
If I will smile, retreat, be sour

Never know which kind of day
Which feelings fly by and which will stay
Panic, anger, joy or down
Which one today will will the crown

Insanity

Sitting all alone, don't know what to do
Mind is full of noise, exhausted and blue
Stuck and trapped, inside the tortured mind
Wondering if a cure, I will ever actually find

Sleep deprived, but overload on thoughts
Can't quite make them out, none want to be caught
Maybe they are happy and I'm left out of touch
My mind is all alone, leaving me to wonder such

Thoughts do crowd me head to toe
But the thoughts can't seem to let me know
What the thoughts are thinking of these days
On my body,soul, tricks are being played

So, it's no wonder that insanity is with me as I sit
And wonder what it is I think of, how in my life they fit
For I'm still me and thoughts are mine even if I have no clue
What they are all about and why I remain so blue

Reality?

Fear has crept in
Without understanding
Shadows and lights
Have become my surroundings

Safety is gone
Left all alone
Here to battle
The demons and drones

Reality skewed
Can't tell what's what
Am I real
Should I flee or stay put

Voices I hear
Senseless they are
Dreadful and leery
They're not very far

Here I stay
No where to hide
Out in the open
Numb and dry eyed