Wednesday, December 16, 2009

My Christmas Poem

Wishing everyone many blessings this Christmas Season!!

God With Us

The blessed virgin Mary carried us our gift
She bore a son in Bethlehem to fulfill the Lord's wish
No man or woman deserves,the gift of this new babe
But, Jesus Christ was born to save us anyway

Joseph was his father, here on this lowly earth
Mary was his mother for she did give him birth
Yet, to the Heavenly Father, Jesus did belong
To think of Him as ordinary would doubtlessly be wrong

Joseph and Mary together, edified true faith
And Jesus taught us all a bit about our place
For when we're feeling mighty, like we're better than the rest
We need to be reminded that we're sinners at our best

When we're feeling lowly, not as good as those around
We must recall faith in Christ, makes us heaven bound
Hence, Jesus was delivered that initial Christmas Day
To counsel all sinners, to make clear the way

He opened the sky, allowing heaven to shine down
He humbled himself, wore the thorn cloaked crown
He came to us in a stable and slept by the sheep
Yet, He lives in our hearts and stays nearby when we weep

He's present when we smile, attendant when we yell
He's our mighty Savior who overcame hell
All powerful love wrapped within a babe that morn
Emmanuel, God with us, on Christmas Day was born

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

True Thanks

On Thanksgiving Day, it's easy to forget
It's easy to get caught up in food, fun, and let
The greatest of All be completely forgotten
The Father's gift to all the begotten

The Lord came to dwell on the earth He gave
For the lives that turned themselves away
From His love, from his joy, from His paradise
Lives that sinned without thinking twice

Until the consequences had settled in
And the people comprehended what was sin
For the tree did teach about evil and good
And they still tried to claim they misunderstood

"Oh, it's not my fault, for she was here
And it's not my fault, he said he didn't care
It was the snake that did lie and tricked me so
It wasn't us, dear Lord, keep us white as snow"

But the damage was done and in settled dark
On the souls that continued to remark
That they knew now life that the Lord provided
Was the better way, but all remain divided

Murder, jealousy, sin of all kind
Set in to the earth, set in to the minds
Generations continue to pass it on
Forgetting also to pass the Son

For, He is the answer, the way, the light
He is the truth of all that is right
Jesus came and died for our sins
He fought the serpent and He did win

His redemption passed on to the sinners
To the ones that know He's the winner
For your faith in Christ is all that's required
To claim your Life from the one most admired

From Jesus Christ, Our King of kings
The one to whom the Angel's sing
He's the Love of the world and he's calling You
Place Your faith in Him, that's all you must do

Then, this Thanksgiving Day with family and friends
Tell them all that the Lord has won the end
Tell them all that it's so very easy to do
Open their hearts, and they can win too

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Transform Me

My journey isn't always where I want to go
Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm low
Knowing my walk is not alone
I continue to tread to my eternal Home

I go into the dark, seeking the light
Knowing the end is worth the fight
The Home I seek, is filled with love
Not an earthly home, but from above

My journey isn't about success and gold
It's the transformation of my soul
I'm marked by my father as His child
Faith of fire, nothing mild

The Love of Jesus Christ, my King
Keeps me going, I'm impelled to Sing
"Lord, transform me now, day and night
Transform me both in the dark and light

Allow my faith to never stray
To be strong both night and day
Jesus Christ, come live in my heart
Until the day's end, from its start!"

Through Your Eyes

I attended a women's conference today at Mt. Zion and was truly inspired by all the speakers. The keynote speaker was Tracey Tiernan from 95.1 SHINE FM. Her words were my inspiration for this newest poem:

Through Your Eyes

Release me from this sin I hold
Allow me warmth from this cold
Shepherd me where I can see
The image only You have of me

Struggle I do, to feel Your love
Claim I'm not suitable for You above
Lost and lonely, walking away
From the only One that vows never to stray

By my side through my dark walk
Silent I am, but I hear You talk
Stubborn I can be as I turn to run
Opposite You, Your love must be done

But, wrong I am for You never leave
You beckon, You call, You grab hold of me
You are all powerful, mighty and strong
You gently guide me from my wrong

My struggle with sin still remains
But, You Lord, love me anyway
I look through Your eyes and I see
A beautiful, cherished, loved by You, me

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Solid Ground

Lord, wrap me up into Your arms
Help me not to feel alarm
Leave me not alone, afraid
Lead me away from the bed I've made

It's been awhile since I was down
On my knees recognizing Your crown
Yet, here you are, still at my side
Curious I become, why You abide

Surely that does not mean I wish You gone
Just confused at Your presence with all I've done
Realizing Your love is who You are
Praising You since this Fall was far

So, since it is I that's walked away
I now humbly ask if I may stay
Knowing your answer is always a Yes
Aware I don't really need to guess

I bow on my knees, kiss Your feet
Praying that Satan can no longer defeat
The faith built on the Rock I've found
Lord, walk beside me on solid ground

Friday, September 18, 2009

Some Inspirational Songs

I just wanted to post a couple of songs since the words of them express how I feel. I find them to be incredibly inspirational. They point out the pain in this world, but the glory and strength that can be found in the Lord. I need that reminder from time to time.

"Bring The Rain"
by Mercy Me


I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain


I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty



There Will Be A Day
by Jeremy Camp


I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone


Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Tomorrow

Seems as if I go around
The circles of this life
Never is there to be found
Anything but strife

On my knees I cry and pray
That life is more than this
For tomorrow is another day
That I can search for bliss

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Sinking

Thoughts of jewels, silver, gold
Have become a blur
Filled with visions of dirt, dust, mud
Change so quickly to occur

Sinking deep in the vast valley
Of I all I want not be
Kneeling in the quicksand
Feeling abandoned by me

Once I was a person
Someone I understood
Now I know not what I am
Vexing thoughts' intent no good

Drops of red, crimson deep
Filling up my brain
Prayers being lifted on my behalf
Calling for me to be sane

If God's plan is insanity
Then help me to accept
That what this is, is good somehow
My purpose not inept

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Make Me Whole

You sent us Your Word so we would know the way
Yet I find it hard to make it part of my day
So, when I am alone and feeling lost
No one is to blame, it is by my own fault

I come to you now, asking for might
To overcome temptation and the devil's fight
I call to my Lord, the one on high
To lift up my Spirit and hear my cry

For I know that I must acknowledge my action
And accept that my relationship with You is a fraction
Of what it should be because of my sloth
So, make me whole, at whatever the cost

I want to be Yours, I want to be all
All that you called us to be before the Fall
Turn my heart from cold to warm
Let people look at me and see Jesus' form

Friday, June 26, 2009

My Rock

See, taste, touch, smell and hear
All of the things I cannot bear

My heart aches to the sound of Your voice
Feeling distant from Your handed out joys

My soul desires to feel Your love in my heart
But, like a sword piercing,I can feel we're apart

My dry mouth desires the water of life
But, thirsty I continue through my strife

My being craves the beautiful scent of a rose
Sickly odors remind me You're no longer close

My eyes dream of heaven's celestial view
But, here and now, I only see me without You

Since You promised to never leave my side
I can only conclude, it's me who chose not to abide

And I open my mouth, and call to you bold
My eyes filled with tears, my hands in a fold

Breathing in deep, hoping not to hear "who?"
Praying You'll know my hunger for You

I silently, breathlessly, wait for a reply
Knowing Your love will make my soul fly

And you never abandon, never walk out
Your arms open wide, You whisper, "no doubt"

"I will always welcome my sheep that are lost
You are accepted here without any cost."

And, so now my heart leaps with joy on this day
The day I thank the Lord, He never goes away

If I were in Heaven

If I were in heaven, there would be no pain
No stress, no shouts and I would be sane

If I were in heaven, there would be no crying
No why me's, how comes, or days of sighing

If I were in heaven, the sky would be blue
The angels would be singing their praises to You

If I were in heaven, Lord, You'd be there
I could be overweight, poor, but I wouldn't care

If I were in heaven, I'd feel Your love
No longer separated, me here, You above

If I were in heaven, then you accepted me
I'd know for sure, that I was sin free

If I were in heaven, Lord, I'd be on my knees
Worshiping You for all eternity

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Unhappily Happy

Unhappily happy, Joyously sad
Hopelessly hopeful, bitterly glad

These are the things that fill up my day
Unsure as to why this game I must play

For joyously sad that life is to be
Unhappily happy, no peace I see

Mixed up in ways only I seem to know
Others assure me this isn't so

For this illness within, is an illness without
Cures, knowledge of ways to get out

Out of my system, out of my mind
Well, out of my mind is where I am all the time

But the illness seems stuck within me, it's true
So, hopelessly hopeful we'll do away with the blue

Royalty

Sit,wait, watch, see
What will become of me
Never know each passing hour
If I will smile, retreat, be sour

Never know which kind of day
Which feelings fly by and which will stay
Panic, anger, joy or down
Which one today will will the crown

Friday, June 12, 2009

Insanity

Sitting all alone, don't know what to do
Mind is full of noise, exhausted and blue
Stuck and trapped, inside the tortured mind
Wondering if a cure, I will ever actually find

Sleep deprived, but overload on thoughts
Can't quite make them out, none want to be caught
Maybe they are happy and I'm left out of touch
My mind is all alone, leaving me to wonder such

Thoughts do crowd me head to toe
But the thoughts can't seem to let me know
What the thoughts are thinking of these days
On my body,soul, tricks are being played

So, it's no wonder that insanity is with me as I sit
And wonder what it is I think of, how in my life they fit
For I'm still me and thoughts are mine even if I have no clue
What they are all about and why I remain so blue

Monday, June 8, 2009

Reality?

Fear has crept in
Without understanding
Shadows and lights
Have become my surroundings

Safety is gone
Left all alone
Here to battle
The demons and drones

Reality skewed
Can't tell what's what
Am I real
Should I flee or stay put

Voices I hear
Senseless they are
Dreadful and leery
They're not very far

Here I stay
No where to hide
Out in the open
Numb and dry eyed

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Heal

When my sin seems to weigh me down
And I feel that You should leave
You hold on tighter to me
For good in me, You see

When my life is on the wrong road
When I'm lost without a clue
Lord, You call me to my destination
Telling me to follow You

You never forsake me
You never walk out
Although, to tears it brings me
You love me, without a doubt

So undeserving do I feel
Of Your arms wrapped around
But You whisper I'm Your child
Reminding me I'm heaven bound

How can I ever thank You
For loving me always
Is it really so simple
To just believe all my days

Now you have my heart
You have my faith and my love
Help me make you happy
My days on earth til time above

Lord, help me tell the world
That what's in my heart is real
That Your sacrifice can save
That faith in You can heal

Unchanging Truth

The world keeps spinning
Life continues on
It doesn't matter how I feel
Whether life seems right or wrong

But one thing that remains
One unchanging truth
Is the Love of Jesus Christ
My God, the living proof

Jesus, walk with me
Jesus, please stay
Help me feel you and love you
Knowing you're with me everyday

Jesus, walk closer
Don't let me push you away
When things feel hurried
It's me putting You at bay

Jesus, hold my hand
Jesus, kiss my cheek
Help me put my trust in You
During times my faith is weak

For the world keeps on spinning
Life continues on
It doesn't matter how I feel
Whether life seems right or wrong

But one thing that remains
One unchanging truth
Is the Love of Jesus Christ
My God, the living proof

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Spirit

The feeling you get when you know that it's true
The Spirit of the Lord is talking to you
But somehow you doubt like Peter did doubt
You begin to sink and begin to shout

You shout aloud for strength and for help
You shout to the Lord with one big yelp
And yet the Lord softly hums in your ear
Daughter, Son, did you not hear?

For I've already told you what you need to know
I've assured you that I've taken care of it so
Why are you anxious, why do you tremble
All of your assurance, in me, do assemble

I will never leave, I will never lie
That peace in your heart was the Spirit's cry
I sent the Spirit to guide all your days
So believe His tranquility and what He says

Monday, May 11, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!!

Ok, this is another poem originated from a writer's group assignment. It's just a fun little story...didn't really happen, but it does take into account the power of a three year old!ha...

Super Bee

Just the other day, I was sitting in my room
Something began to fly, I attacked it with a broom
Hearing the little scream, I imagined I should stop
But, so much fun I was having, I went and grabbed the mop

As the scream continued, I bellowed to myself
For the "superman" decided he should fly off of my shelf
I wasn't sure how much slack to give, he was just only three
Now, full fledged yelping, "Mommy, stop, it's really only me"

Self control, I seemed to lose, and "what's that?" I chimed
I acted as if I didn't hear the poor kid in the bind
I began to holler, "Help me, there's a big bee in my room!
I can't seem to get it out with just my mop and broom!"

The poor boy tried his best to get my notice once again
And screamed aloud, "It's just me, I no bee, I just your super friend"
And so, I decided, that as a Mom, I truly should be nice
But, couldn't quite bring myself to listen to my advice

I thought of all the other times, he had jumped off the shelf
All the warnings, threats, lectures, to keep control of himself
And, I pretended one more time, I couldn't hear his scream
And listened to his pleas that his Mom was really mean

The mop and broom flew to the floor as I began to yell
That the only way to get a bee was to tickle it til it fell
So, up I swooped that super bee and put him on the bed
All shook up I made him laugh til "sorry, Mommy" he said

Lesson learned, there would be no more shelf induced flight
I truly thought I had finally won this daily toddler fight
So, in awe I stood just hours after tickling my super bee
To see the flying buzzing pest, sure the joke was on me

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Smiles and Frowns

Black and white, up and down
Two extremes like smiles and frowns
Which will I wear this day, this hour
Mysteries of the illness containing power

Call to the Lord morning and night
Please take away this daily fight
Heavy or light, big or small
Today's mood, shiny or dull

A ride I can't seem to keep ahold
Will I be meek or will I be bold
Will I even know at the end of the day
Who I am, the price I must pay

An illness, let in by original sin
So, suffer I must, until new life begins
One day, peace I will find
Seeing the Lord, no longer blind

So, open my eyes, this day, this hour
Help me to fight and no longer cower
Help me to feel You by my side
Give me the strength to no longer hide

Sunday, May 3, 2009

One Day We'll Unite

I originally wrote this for someone that lost their spouse. But, I decided that it could mean something to anyone that lost a loved one. Last week my brother, Dave, who passed away in 2001 would've turned 30. So, I remembered that I had written this and decided to post this in his memory.

One Day We'll Unite

A lifetime of love that one day was gone
Replaced with loneliness, struggle to go on
Seems the Lord is asking a great deal
For me to live, love, laugh and heal

When I wake in the morning and feel the sun
Stars and the moon to show the day's done
The warmth of the sun, the sparkling star
Proof that the Lord is not very far

But, it's not just the Lord that watches me
It's my love from the heavens that still can see
My soul that still feels, my heart that still loves
The bond we had when you weren't yet above

So, my soul should rejoice that paradise you've found
That the Lord has you safe with arms wrapped around
Although I must wait for the perfection of heaven
Many times all alone with no signs of protection

I'll turn my heart to the Lord in the sky
Knowing both you and He hurt when I cry
And, I'll continue to do the work the Lord has in store
As His plans for me include my earthly life some more

I'll place my trust in the God above
Knowing even family can't compete with His love
And on days when desertion is all that I find
I'll embrace the promise that one day we'll unite

Friday, May 1, 2009

New Life

When the thoughts start to swirl and I feel all alone
I turn to the heavens that one day I'll call home
When the noise is too much and I cover my ears
I whisper His name knowing my prayers He will hear

When the sun seems burnt out and the clouds fill the sky
I try and trust His will without asking why
When the song of the birds cease without reason
I look to the Lord knowing He'll provide a new season

Through all the hardships, through all the pain
The sun will soon shine, He'll do away with the rain
The song of the birds will soon fill the earth
The faith of the weary will be given new birth
For the Father will not desert His daughters and sons
Jesus has risen, new life has begun

When the Enemy whispers thoughts of lost hope
I call out to Jesus for the stamina to cope
When the world around, little sense makes
I recall devotion to the Lord, change takes

When the rain becomes heavy and streets start to flood
I attempt to imagine the flower that will bloom from the bud
When the thunder frightens the birds all away
I remember chirps I'd hearkened just the other day

Through all the hardships, through all the pain
The sun will soon shine, He'll do away with the rain
The song of the birds will soon fill the earth
The faith of the weary will be given new birth
For the Father will not desert His daughters and sons
Jesus has risen, new life has begun

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Those That Pray

This was written for all of my dear family and friends who have gotten me through many trials and continue to do so with their love, support, and prayer.

Those That Pray

When the road begins to wind
And I'm not sure of the way
I can look behind and see
God has sent help through those that pray

For my family and my friends
Get me through the fear
That around the corner lies
Trials I cannot bear

The love and the support
The friends and family
Are blessings from above
The trek becoming easy

I begin to see I'm not alone
That no matter what lies there
I can turn the corner, head up high
Knowing those beside me care

Lord, I thank you now
For the gifts that you have given
For the support you provide on earth
The loved ones sent from heaven

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Daily Talk

Close to God, I must stay
To make it through each and every day
For the burdens seem to weigh me down
Causing me to wear a frown

But through God's Son, I can walk
If I remember my daily talk
The prayers lifted up in His Holy Name
Holding power to send walking, the lame

Tread by my side, Oh Lord of lords
Helping my faith to not get bored
Talk to me now, Oh King of kings
Causing my heart of joy to sing

Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Cross Carried

The crowd did cry for him to die
They wanted an innocent crucified
They didn't want to see His love
The truth He spoke from the one above

Scourged, thorns crowned upon his head
A heavy cross carried, gall He was fed
Three times He fell, but never gave in
Knowing without Him, we'd be severed by sin

The cross He carried, upon He was raised
Dying, only to come back the third day
Carrying our sin to suffer in hell
From us He desires for us to tell

The truth of what is meant by the cross
So that no one soul will be lost
All of us sinners who could never earn
The greatest gift given so we won't burn

With an ounce of faith, Our souls are saved
Forevermore paradise because He gave
His life, His son, to a world full of sin
So accept Him now, let your new life begin

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Assignment

I've joined a writer's group at my church. One of the assignment's that I chose was to complete the phrase, "The door creaked open and I saw...";so, here's what came out:

An Open Door

The door creaked open and I saw
Beauty surrounding, nothing dull
White as snow, the light did shine
Behind the door, with an open mind

One can see the King of kings
The Lord that makes the angels sing
The ray of hope surrounding life
Where sin has crawled in, causing strife

The peace that's felt when God is near
Amidst a world that's filled with fear
The strength required to get one through
When obstacles bombard, options few

The peace, the hope, the ray of sun
The white light and the strength that's won
Found inside the heart's open door
Of a believer whose life is forevermore

Friday, March 20, 2009

Foundation

Energy lost, nowhere to hide
Melancholy feelings remain inside
Commitments yet to be fulfilled
Good habits and faith I must build

By God's grace alone I continue on
Fortitude in me, completely gone
Leaning on my Savior to pull me through
Without His love, I'd know not what to do

This struggle, insignificant, it may not be
My faith foundation growing significantly
With my Lord, I'll continue to grow
No more "thinking" He's with me, for I'll "know"

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Praise

Arms elevated toward the sun
Praising my Father, the Holy one
My creator, my savior, my guide
The One that never leaves my side

Perplexed how You can be
My father, my brother, a friend to me
Yet, here and now, I know it's true
Turning my lowly heart anew

I will unlock my heart and open it wide
I will give my decisions for You to decide
I will worship You in truth and in love
I will tell the world the Son's raised above
I will love You, trust You, walk by Your side
I will know in my heart, with me, You abide

Down on my knees, calling out strong
Praise You are given, You've deserved all along
Radiant beams gleam from my soul
Becoming like Jesus, my new life goal

Singing, dancing, giving You all
Knowing without You, I'd surely fall
Living a life to bring You all glory
Understanding I'm sinful and You are All Holy

I will unlock my heart and open it wide
I will give my decisions for You to decide
I will worship You in truth and in love
I will tell the world the Son's raised above
I will love You, trust You, walk by Your side
I will know in my heart, with me, You abide

My sin is now gone, and You remain
Seeing my soul, clear as the rain
No longer dirty and filled with mud
Jesus has saved me with His love

Jesus, my Savior, died on the cross
No more tears shed for He has walked
He rose and walked away from the tomb
Now waiting in heaven with an open room

I will unlock my heart and open it wide
I will give my decisions for You to decide
I will worship You in truth and in love
I will tell the world the Son's raised above
I will love You, trust You, walk by Your side
I will know in my heart, with me, You abide

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Irrational

The intensity of the anger, the pain
When you know that all is well
Causes something more than confusion
Trapped in a daily hell

Feelings grounded in absolutely nothing
Irrational anger, irrational fear
How did you become this person
Losing oneself with every tear

So hot, so cold, so light, so dark
Wrapped up into one full day
All is grand, All is hopeless
With nothing left to say

Words tell lies, Feelings deceive
Now nothing left to do
Who has the answer to who you are
Not a soul knows, not even you

Partner

Struggle in spirit, body and mind
Brings you to one place
A place where peace can be found
Once you accept His grace

Daily walk through pain and strife
Beginning to look around
Seeing alone you really aren't
The Lord is to be found

His cross so heavy, He picked it up
Shed blood, cried out for all
The cross you bear is a true burden
But, He's there in case you fall

Compare the walks side by side
You'll see that you are blessed
For alone He walked to carry his cross
But, He's there when you call for rest

Don't forget the Love you have
The power of the Lord
The shoulder to cry upon when you're down
And calling to be cured

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Reliance

Today the Lord has placed on my heart
A new incentive, a way to re-start
He asked me to look inside my soul
To question my motives, my end goal

Looking deep within and looking out
I found that I have lived, not devout
As I had thought that I had lived
But, only for me did I seem to give

My goals I claimed to send His way
Were to make me happy at the end of the day
Decent goals set for good end results
For the wrong reasons, the outcome is naught

So, I asked Him to set my soul straight
Send me truth as it's still not too late
He sent me burning love, a faith on fire
Flames ablaze, veritable desire

The needs are still there, the goals the same
The difference relying in the recipient's name
For the Lord deserves my loving worship, my soul
He will never forsake me as we walk toward our goal

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Simple

Stranger to myself, I have become
Complete total eclipse of the sun
Darkness fills the emptiness
Since being told there's nothing left

No answers that they see for my mind
Calmness, serenity has gone blind
Experts lost at words and advice
Giving up on any successful life

Turn to the Lord for humans fail
Pray He lifts me from my earthly hell
Ready not for heaven, I understand
So desire on earth a nurturing Hand

One so big, so firm, so full
Security which grows not dull
Love so deep, I forget to ask
Why I've obscured behind this mask

What keeps me from letting go
From true trust and not a show
From handing all to Him today
Whether forlorn, furious or gay

The answer so simple and right there
But yet I accuse Him that He must not care
Answer so simple I fail to see
I'm unable to bow down and let it be

Current prayer for strength to know
How to just let it all go
With my Lord, I wish to walk
Quietly hearkening as He talks

His answers, advice I strive to know
It's my reservations that keep it from so
Lord, take me now, my faith so small
Shower me with love, growing my faith tall

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Glory

Waking this morning to glorify You
In my thoughts, my words and all that I do
It's through my Savior Jesus Christ
In which I should establish my life

Gratitude given for my salvation
The love you send never on vacation
So, in my failings and in my pride
You never forsake me, staying at my side

Request today, you rid me of evil
My self indulgence, self delight kill
Assist me in You, Lord, to place my praise
Living entirely for You all of my days

Friday, March 6, 2009

Tethered

Afraid of heights, but told
Bungee jumping is the cure
Go on up and let loose
Overcome fear and soar

So up you go, attached you are
To the seemingly unsteady tether
Trusting yourself to those who say
This battle you can weather

You do this once, you do it twice
Two years later, you find
That the risk you take each time you try
Is not curing your mind

It's adding stress you'd like to avoid
Each time it's from new heights
And so you consider cutting the cord
Since the cure is not in flight

Merriment

Emptiness filled with laughter
Despair filled with joy
Desiring the feeling stay
Like a child with a new toy

Doesn't matter why
Only that it is
How the day began
Anguish not missed

Judgment the only hurdle
The looks from those who know
The obstacle to overcome
Tears never failing to show

Pray, hope, this time
Critics are misled
Merriment sticks around
Ridding me of dread

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Duel

Tornado flies through the town
Destroying houses, nature, lives
Oddness, however, is found
When the neighbor's house is fine

But, yet to crumbles your house is
With nothing left to see
And thankful for the neighbor's miss
You nevertheless wonder, "why me"

Look around your lowly street
Some buildings still intact
Others a more destructive meet
The twister had on impact

Without the shelter to protect
You wonder how you'll live
Can your life be like the sect
Which still has much to give

Strength is required to decide
How to re-build your dwelling
Especially when you abide
Where twisters are overflowing

Left to ponder all alone
If asked to fight with power
Another destructive cyclone
You'll be able not to cower

Chris Tomlin song...

Ok, Chris Tomlin is one of my favorite music artists. His songs are real and inspiring. My original intention was to only post my own work here;but, I decided if there were anyone out there actually reading this to be inspired(and not just to understand me better) than this was worth posting. I could never do it justice...so, here it is...

"How Can I Keep From Singing" by Chris Tomlin

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

Monday, March 2, 2009

Identity

Who am I, a brilliant question
Answer lost to those that are tied
To mental illness, confusion inside

For one moment, it all seems right
And the next, seemingly wrong
Never sure which will last long

It might be neither, or maybe both
Inside, never sure of the fact
Leaving an identity no longer intact

Only one place to go when I'm lost
To the Lord with trust that He can see
The truth of what's inside of me

Even if I no longer know
Who I am, who I'm not
Must obey the lessons taught

And place my trust in my creator
My Father, brother, friend
Bracing for mood swings once again

Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Real Enemy

Through trials and strife, I will bloom
Faith will begin to radiate
For the changes seen that grow around
Cannot just be the hands of fate

God's mighty powerful hand
Controls my destiny
If only I can trust more when it's tough
Relying less on me

The plans our Father has for my time
I cannot understand
But, unconditional love I can place
Making my destiny more grand

Riches in material things
Is not my goal for life
Riches in spirit, love, and wisdom
I can gain through my strife

Promised to me by my Lord
When I hand to Him my all
Reliance on my Savior
Who overcame the Fall

Responsibility I must take
In my self made decisions
Recognizing the real Enemy
His self glorifying mission

Blaming the Lord for my woes
Aggrieves only me
It furthers Satan's goal
Affecting my destiny

Today as events seem better
It's easy for me to say
The Lord had a helping hand
In creating my superior day

But, when things begin to disintegrate
I pray to my Father now
That I will have the presence of mind
To continue on my knees to bow

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Nonsense

Book, paper, talking tree
Nonsense words that fill me
Concentration has been shot
Can a brain begin to rot?

Grab for rational words to hear
For nonsense I can no longer bear
Cohesion seems to be all gone
Humming the tune to the same old song

Today's complaints, same as the past
Always want knowledge of how long this will last
Answers few, questions many
Attempts at a cure, I've tried plenty

At wit's end, words upon words
Can't even read, how's that for absurd
Funny the things that used to be easy
Getting out of bed, dressed and ready

For now each act is heavy labor
Each decision feels like a huge favor
To those that depend upon my care
But instead in my turmoil committed to share

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tick Tock

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Heartbeat of the bedroom clock
One second becomes eternity
Sanity locked up without a key

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
The Enemy begins to mock
Energy low, nothing to battle
No sleep, easy to rattle

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Relief ventures a knock
With sanity behind fastened doors
Madness revels, feeling sure

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Head pang, assault of a rock
Side effect of the fix
Hope is lost, not worth the risk

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Nothing to stop the bedroom clock
Maniacal wins, a bit after 4
Dispirited by the apparent cure

Monday, February 23, 2009

Poems Written a Few Weeks Back

I forgot to add these. These were written a couple of weeks ago.

Wings

Wings of a bird so young
Closed and unable to fly
The song of a baby bird sung
Peeps, attempts and shy

Become, I have, like that young bird
Fearful of leaving it's nest
An adult's life that's become absurd
Unable to pass life's test

Praying I'll grow like the chick will
And my wings will open wide
Sitting upon my window sill
Anticipating my very first glide

Trusting God as the hatchling does
Upon it's first leap from the tree
I will open wide my wings because
I"m secure He'll take care of me


Reality

The vast depths of the ocean
The crashing waves upon the sand
Beauty found, peace surrounds
Eyes closed, listening on land

Staying in that peaceful place
Where the beauty captivates
Keeping my eyes closed tightly
As life around me refuses to wait

For on the sand I prefer to stay
It's safe, secure and free
Afraid I am to open my eyes
Petrified of what might be

For once my eyes are no longer bound
Reality I will find
Debris, polluted water and sand
Beauty washed away from my mind

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Survival

Cave so dark, quiet fear
Signs of danger I can hear
Survival depends on being sure
Predators I do not lure

One mistake and it's complete
By my own fault I will be beat
Private silence to take the time
My fate relies on my mind

For an unclear mind can deceive
And trap me into false belief
That choices made are all mine
When in fact that is a lie

The predator will come and devour
If I retreat and hand over the power
The type of mind needed in this situation
Is strong willed and filled with clarification

The reality brings me back to fear
Since my mind is lost and unclear
To be reliant on myself to exist
Promotes the panic to persist

Survival is left more to fate
As I sit back in prayer to wait
God speaks and calls me to His side
He says that with me He'll abide

Trust in Him I"ll have to place
For alone it's sure I'll lose the race
I"m reminded of Daniel in the Lion's Den
Encouraged by God claiming me as friend

Through the dark, I'll find the light
No longer blind, with newfound sight
Admit with trepidation I still stroll
Breaking free of the cave remains the goal

Uneasy the walk still is
With shaky faith that I give
My life to the Savior that I claim
So that once cave free I will be sane

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Destination

Blowing in the wind, a leaf so high
Boundaries it knows not of as it floats
No destination as it circles the sky
Just freedom, pure freedom it promotes

Enjoying the exquisiteness of the earth below
Not looking for another leaf in which to see
Flying around in glory, with the wind it flows
Happier than when it left the tree

The branches held it tight, never letting go
Living with the green each and every day
Now its color is so bright, it's putting on a show
Admired now, most pleasant some would say

But the wind begins to howl and the leaf loses control
The colors are now fading to a brown
For the life begins to fade, and still without a goal
The brown leaf's ride has ended on a down

Monday, February 9, 2009

Fantasy

When the heartache begins to lift
And I start to feel alive
When hope begins to settle in
I find it's all a lie

For then the mind begins to race
With a blissful melody
That transforms into a bitter tune
The soul does not find pretty

With every time that hope is false
The sorrow grows further deep
For the cycle seems to never end
And I begin to weep

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Unconditionally

It is clear that each one holds an opinion
Family and friends, with good-hearted intentions
Sometimes it's the right thing, sometimes it's the wrong
But, each time that they try their love's showing strong

The good-hearted intentions can just as well hurt
Preconceived notions and colloquies curt
The agony positioned upon my sleeve
Heartache and tears for all to see

Sometimes it's the hurdle I can't overcome
The dejected melody that can't be sung
Looking around for the support that I crave
Knowing the fight alone I'm not required to brave

It's only with You, Lord,that I can come clean
It's Your love, Lord, that provides what I need
It's perfect, it's sacred, it's more than a dream
It's unconditional love, love dispensed for free

To be loved with no conditions
To not have any inhibitions
To know I cry out and you see all my flaws
To know that you carry me through all the trials

To know I am weak, and you Lord are strong
And you love me, completely, whether I'm right or I'm wrong
It's what gets me through my day
It's what picks me up, Lord, and shows me the way

It's the love that only can come from One
The Trinity: Holy Spirit, Father and Son
It's you, God, that I call upon
When I'm weak and can't bring myself to go on

Lord, it's you. It's unconditionally, You.

Direct Our Discipline

(This one may be a little more personal as my daughter that suffers from a mood disorder was struggling to keep it together. As we both continue the medication adjustment game, emotions are on high alert. As she screamed for an hour over a simple chore(and no, during her stable times she doesn't do this!!), I was at my end wondering how exactly to approach the situation...)

There are many things in this life, You ask us to let go
Deciphering what to keep, relieve is difficult to know
Discipline our children as You discipline Yours
Should arguments abound over simple things like chores

Your love so great, Your wisdom pure, You raise your children well
Without your purity and insight, how can we ever tell
What is it we should say, what is it we should do
Our children have many struggles, many crying out to you

Without a direct answer, how can one so small
Be expected to hold on to faith, they never felt at all
You welcome children with open arms and great massive love
Still in innocence they are, but don't know how to look above

It's to our keeping, their growth you trust
How do we decipher insignificant and must
Your truth in word, your truth in print is available
But, without concentration, finding it we're unable

Speak to our hearts, deep to our souls
Help keep our children from the cold
From impatient bitter hearts setting in
Defrost our core and guide our discipline

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Assurance (2009)

Lord, I wake this morning, with stresses all around
Lead me in this day, as new issues abound
I bow down at Your feet, questioning Your desire
Turn my heart from coldness, make my Love for You on fire

Have my trust flourish, my belief in You stay strong
Give me patience, perseverance as the feud remains long
Aid my family to unite, depend on You to get us through
Wash the doubt away from those who blame our troubles all on You

The difference in assurance that You are on our team
Can hinder the healing needed, creating compassion to grow mean
Reach out to those who need Your touch, who need to know You're there
For the hopeless in our family will concede, and fail to care

I lay my heart at Your feet, my desires for You to hear
Giving You all I have, so this struggle I can bear
Guide me with Your mercy, embrace my family today
Rid me of my weariness, have my trust in Your Will not fray

Friday, January 30, 2009

In Your Holy Arms (2009)

When problems begin rolling in, you implore us not to wonder
But, "wherefore" questions begin to roar like fear inducing thunder
Striving to surrender to faith the "how comes" and the "whys"
As the weight of the cross grows oppressive and tears fill up the eyes

Human nature overcomes, we find ourselves inside
Contemplating reasons behind the frightening ride
For many burdens in this life you ask us to endure
When we see our children sick we ask you for a cure

So, our inability to see eternal makes us want to know
If for our children we want peace why with you it isn't so
Turning to the Scriptures left we know our feelings lie
For love you are and ever will be and pain does make you sigh

Hence, when our burdens weigh us down, the ride has gotten eerie
In Your Holy arms You wrap your children who've grown weary
The bigger picture we can't see, the Love we turn away from
Thus, continue rapping on our hearts until our queries mum

Bewilderment

Sing in the morning, cry in the afternoon, sing again at night
Highs and lows all day long, it is a vicious fight
Confused as to the hows and whys, the wondering all day long
Why so high, why so low; bright, bleak beat to the song

Bleak and bright all at once, you may be asking your mind
It's true, I know not how, but rush of emotions betide
So confusion sets in to the one that must master, emotions beyond control
For if you can suffer external bewilderment, imagine my internal soul

Grain of Rice (2009)

Our faith is like a grain of rice, a single grain alone
But, when we add another one, our faith begins to grow
Jesus tells us when there's more than one gathered in His name
Our prayers are heard, our praises claimed, our belief likely to remain

Although, we're asked to go alone and pray to not reward in pride
We're also asked to build a church and gather numerous inside
A grain of rice all alone, will not a hearty meal make
But gather grains from all around will fill the stomach's ache

It is the same with Christians that gather all around
Alone in faith they will find their return to the solitary town
All alone they'll begin to think Jesus is not there
Together they should find stark protection from Satan's lair

Blissful, distressing, tumultuous times, the truth remains the same
Without the Lord by your side, you'll find yourself ashamed
For through the Lord we do the things that are pleasing to our Father
Without the Lord to walk with us, our efforts we should not bother

And it is only with the Church, that you remain in faith
It's the strength in faith the Church supplies, you'll receive His Holy Grace
We are called not to walk solitary, for we are bound to fail
In His Holy Book we're told, together our faith won't pale

Of course, your faith is personal, the Lord walks by your side
But, without brothers, sisters to support, you'll find a tougher ride
So, gather many grains of rice, and fill a hefty bowl
Allow the meal to satiate and redeem your newly born soul

Son-in-Law

(This requires some background. This poem is the comic relief that I promised. My father read my one of those "Dear Abby", "Ann Landers" type articles...I think he said it was "Dear Amy". The question was from a fifty year old man, with a wife and two children. His father-in-law had himself retired at the age of fifty, sold a lucrative business and enjoyed the high life. The in-laws ran into some financial difficulty and asked each of their children to send them 300 dollars per month. The now fifty year old son-in-law, was needless to say, not too thrilled. He questioned whether he should force his wife to go back to work(and threw in some digs about her over-spending as well). The original article was much more humorous than I am able to give you, but here was my take...)

Golf resorts, cars and boats
Retirement fund depleted
Great enjoyment from fifty on
But, now my son-in-law feels cheated

I sent a letter to my children
Asking for monthly funds
The reply from my daughter's husband
Had my good mood come undone

Why should I give up my porche
My country club and gym
I have the right to live it up
Don't know what's bothering him

He works to pay for my grandkids
To live it up as well
But, lousy husband to my daughter
She must feel she's in hell

She called me crying, all upset
He demands she goes to work
Just to pay for his in-laws
Oh man, what a slimy jerk

He seems to not understand
Responsibility he has
I raised a beauty for him to wed
What nerve to treat us bad

If I had to do it all again
I'd refuse my daughter's hand
And find a rich, naive lad
To become my little girl's man

A Simple Prayer (2009)

Lord, give your protection, send it down to me
Keep my mind from crumbling and bless my family

Lord, give your love, wrap me in your arms
Take away my pain, my anxious state of alarm

Lord, give your wisdom, help me to discern
Grasping meaning in Your Word, helping me to learn

Lord, give your peace, beyond my imagination
Peace so deep that I will feel no need for explanation

Lord, give your salvation, cleanse me of my sin
Take my life forever more, change I must begin

Lord, take my prayers, listen to my pleas
Help me trust in you, more often on my knees

Lord, take my worries, lift my mind on high
Rid me of the evil thoughts, from this day til I die

Lord, take my worship, take all I have to give
Help me know that you alone are reason I must live

Lord, take my faith, the faith I have in Christ
My saving faith that confirms my blessed eternal life

Lord, take my confession, forgive me all my wrongs
When the time is Yours, bring me home to angels' songs

The Gentle Breeze (2009)

Wind so strong we're shaken, shadows upon the earth
We feel we're being tested, we feel that we've been cursed
Dark clouds have come rolling in, tension on the rise
We're caught off guard, resentful of the unpleasant surprise

We hurry to bow down, hastening out of the rain
But seldom do we hit our knees in faith relieving pain
Soaked and scared, tired, wet, we hide beneath the tree
Head is down to protect;so, truth we cannot see

Thunder roaring, lightning bolts, refusing the disguise
Some will see with shadowed sight, dark clouds mark their eyes
Silent time to take it in and you will find the source
Take off the shades, look up, find the beauty in the force

Perception is a choice, so take another look
God has given you the answers in His Holy Book
Bowing down for shelter is unlike worship on your knees
For those upon their knees in faith, will feel a gentle breeze

Ho Hum (2009)

A crowded brain where thoughts are few
What does it mean, impart a clue
For thoughts to circle and crowd your mind
But, they mean nothing, not mean or kind

It's as if it's all just noise
Clanging, clattering, big band toys
Squeezing pain, constant jumble
Left vs. right in a rough and tumble

A fight that no one side has won
Long fighting that hasn't just begun
It comes and goes throughout the day
As minutes and hours drift away

No one else will understand
They'll say kind things and shake your hand
They'll say that time will make it gone
But peace you long for and there's none

Peace from the words that make no sense
Peace from the noise that makes you tense
You pray and count and wait and see
If life will ever become easy

Cause it's hard as hell to sit and wait
To see if craziness abates
It's difficult when you need to be
A mom, a wife, a friend to thee

It becomes impossible to live in peace
You beg God for some mind release
You preach that you should just accept
But, in reality your needs aren't met

Confusion takes control of you
It's seen in everything you do
So, good to no one you've become
And life ticks on ho hum ho hum

The Cross (2009)

Hands that bled upon the cross
To ensure that life would not be lost
Arms that carried heavy wood
To lead the bad to come to good

Feet that ached upon the cross
To show the world how to walk
Legs that carried heavy wood
In hopes His life be understood

Tears that shed upon the cross
To mourn the pain the sin had caused
Neck that carried heavy wood
Suffering pain no innocent should

Heart that grieved upon the cross
To show the world His love for us
Love that carried heavy wood
In hopes His death be understood

Life that rose above the cross
To prove that life had not been lost
Pure love that rose against heavy wood
Redeeming sinners as none other could

Up (2009)

(My pastor gave a beautiful sermon about looking up and trusting the Lord. He talked about not asking why and just asking "what do you want from me now?" The sermon is still available at www.mzprays.org. I could never do it justice!!)

He gives us each our cross to bear
We begin to think He doesn't care
He calls us to Him through our pain
We begin to feel that we're insane

We wonder why our belief in Him
Would be returned with suffering
But fail to see the lesson sent
His call, His love, His true present

It's through the pain that we will find
He gives His love, He's not unkind
It's hard to see when Satan calls
And tells us he can break the walls

The walls that keep us caged in tight
It's what we think we have to fight
But, Satan's power is not as great
As he has claimed to use as bait

For the walls we feel, the cross we bear
It's there to protect us with His care
He says look up, look down no more
Satan's lying to settle the score

But, it's up to us to look up high
Not up to us to wonder why
The Lord does know what's good for us
His love is ours if we just trust

It's ours to take, it's ours for free
But looking down, we cannot see
The works Satan does in his own name
Will not bring walls down or ease pain

It's only God's great Holy Name
That will rid us of eternal pain
So hang in there with the cross you hold
Look up, not down and scream out bold

Lord, I give you my worries now
My pain, my aches, my solemn vow
That you own me, and now I know
My heart to you is white as snow

So, I will try not to wonder why
It is through pain that I must cry
I will try and just give love
And look not down, but up above

Gravity (2009)

Gravity pulling ruthlessly
Bringing me down beneath the sea
Air supply is growing low
Breathing laborious from below

Patience drains at a rapid pace
Bringing me down against the race
Overcome the odds I must
Or it's my time to return to dust

Sea developing turbulent
Bringing me down against ascent
Wayward hope is all that's left
Can I claim I did my best

Suffocating plight abounds
Bringing me back to many rounds
Fighting against gravity
To beat the deadly raging sea

Crimson (2009)

Crimson drops flowing
Tears don't fulfill
Desires of relief
Loss of iron will

Red dreams abound
Release a distant cry
Flooding night and day
Eyes are running dry

Lonely soul despairs
The reason for dry cheeks
Nothing left to give
Minutes feel like weeks

Big Family Christmas (Christmas 2008)

Ok, this is one of the sillier poems. I was having fun with this..enjoying the happy mood!

This Christmas, I'm thinking I'm mucked in the head
Four energetic children that never go to bed
Wrapping four sets of gifts to set out
So Santa stays secret from the two younger sprout

Feet feel like fire, eyes are dreary
Days flying by as I grow weary
But, Christmas is more about Jesus, I hear
And less about Santa and his flying reindeer

True, I do say, but it doesn't change
The fact that my life is on rearrange
So the four little rugrats each have a smile on their face
So, neighbors and in laws don't think Mom's a disgrace

So, if you're thinking a large family's what you need
Listen closely to my words, thoughts, and warnings do heed
Consider the cost of gas, energy, food
Make sure you enjoy being in a lousy mood

Through all that, however, they will brighten your day
Four, I hear, might not be a big family, some say
For me, it is perfect, I figured it out
They can eat little, go colder and run less about

It's their poor little ears that have to listen to me scream
I tune out their yelps all day long that I"m mean
So this mom loves the four darlings, the lot
Just don't ask how they feel for the mom that they got!

The Greatest Gift (Christmas 2008)

The Greatest Gift to us is life
Given through His Sacrifice
To have a child you know must die
Just to save lives that kill, steal, lie

Love so Great, to us unknown
Through His death to us is shown
A star so bright,a baby born
Time to rejoice, not to mourn

Years later, considerable work to be done
He came to teach He is His Son
Again, life failed to understand
And hammered nails into His hand

But, through His death, eternal life
No greater gift, His sacrifice
Christmas is a time to cheer
A time to know the Lord is near

Lights and hymns, gifts on the tree
Mean nothing if life fails to see
Cleanse your soul this Christmas season
Accept the Lord, understand the reason

Christ is calling, no funds due
Eternal happiness is calling you
To those who see, Christmas joy to thee
To those who don't, come pray with me

Lord, for Your gift, we do thank You
Your life for ours, our souls anew
I accept You now into my heart
A savior needed to re-start

My gift to God this Christmas time
My life You own, no longer mine
His gift to us, as you now see
His life for ours, how can that be

Merry Christmas to life that has been taught
God's free gift cannot be bought
So, know that Santa, reindeer, toys
Are fun to have, they bring us joys

But, Christmas without Christ is null
His life, His gift overcame the Fall
Pass this on, give God a gift
Souls He will own, new on His list

Pass this to those who've never known
Those who require to be shown
The truth of what is Christmas day
A Savior born to point the way

Loneliness (2008)

Loneliness lingers in the air
Searching tirelessly for someone to care
Loneliness lies beside the sea
Searching tirelessly for someone called me

Heartache hungers to be fed
Seemingly enjoying a lonely bed
Heartache hears loneliness call
Seemingly enjoying a someone's fall

Someone searches for the light
Craving deliverance from this plight
Someone strikes at heartache's scheme
Craving deliverance from this dream

Savior screams to come His way
Desiring to take the pain away
Savior swallows all of the sin
Desiring to take someone as kin

Someone struggles in faith to hope
Searching furiously for ways to cope
Someone screams back at Savior's cry
Searching furiously for reasons why

Meant to Be (2008)

Depressed, Angry, tired
Was becoming me
Rest was all I asked for
Wasn't meant to be

Is there any answer
To life's many trials
I've given all I had
I've fought for many miles

Can't go on much further
Sit and try to rest
But worries crowd my head
Causing thoughts I do detest

Medicinal approaches
Talking of my woes
Nothing seems to matter
That's how the story goes

Depressed, angry, tired
Was becoming me
Rest was all I asked for
Wasn't meant to be...

Truth? (2008)

(This one may need a note. I was struggling with personal issues that may not relate to anyone. My husband battles a more physical battle of psoriatic arthritis and one of my children also struggles with a mood disorder. Add on regular life, and this is what came out...)

Why have you boxed us in so tight
Never to get out
Everyday it is a fight
Aim daily not to pout

His pain will never go away
She can never find peace
Strength is tested day by day
We long for some release

Daughter lost in her own hell
Fighting to stay grounded
Try to tell her all is well
Lies that must be pounded

So tired of this daily strife
Tired of the pain
Just so sick of this whole life
No wonder I'm insane

There's no happy ending
Not one that I can see
Once their in bed, there's no pretending
The future is not pretty

He will never be relieved of pain
She will always be prone to cry
Dreaming has been done in vein
Crash, the consequence of high

What is the reality, the truth
Is it seen when feeling joy
Or is the pain, the suffering, proof
The cheerful is a ploy

The Great I AM (2008)

Great I AM, The truth
Great I AM, The light
The Is, the Was, the Ever Shall Be
The One that made the night

Creator of His Kingdom
Creator of the Earth
Maker of the Heavens
Lift me of this curse

Can it be my faith is weak
My sins are not forgiven
Thought that wasn't possible
The Cross has Opened Heaven

Must be something else
Something I can not see
Why so many complications
For ONE family

Physical illness, financial stress
Emotions gone amuck
Even touched by death so young
Don't say it's just bad luck

A higher purpose must exist
or this is all for naught
Praying the truth comes from
The bible lessons taught

Life has grown so complicated
Can you hear my plea
Are you listening Oh Great Love
The Is, the Was, and Ever Shall Be

Daily Walk (2008)

Trudging through the pasty mud
Heavy, massive feat
Longing for deliverance
Life's still incomplete

Mud so thick, trek is fierce
Patience growing thin
Monotonous is the day by day
Sloth, the deadly sin

Inquiries into life's events
Wherefore, how and why?
Disarray,distress, dysphoric
Dismal may apply

Is and ever will be
This forevermore
Until no longer in the flesh
Trudging must endure

Oh My (2008)

(Ok, this one is a bit,well, stupid. But, I thought I'd post it anyhow. It was written while The Wizard of Oz (Lions and tigers and bears, oh my) was running rampant through my brain...)

Up and down and normal, oh my
Up and down and normal, oh my
spinning in circles
Don't know why
Up and down and normal, oh my

Up and down and normal, oh my
Up and down and normal, oh my
Thoughts so crowded
Life is a high
Up and down and normal, oh my

Up and down and normal, oh my
Up and down and normal, Oh my
Energy gone
Hunger to die
Up and down and normal, oh my

Up and down and normal oh my
Up and down and normal, Oh my
Feelings are stable
No good reason why
Up and down and normal, Oh my

Up and down and normal, Oh my
Up and down and normal, Oh my
Want off of the ride
But, stuck if I try
Up and down and normal, Oh my

Up and down and normal, Oh my
Up and down and normal, Oh my
Chipper, dismal
Or no reason to cry
Up and down, and normal, Oh my

Up and down and normal, Oh my
Up and down and normal, Oh my
Stop the cycle
Decipher the lie
Up and down and normal, Oh my

Your Promise (2008)

Down has grown deeper
Wish I knew why
Prayers have grown stronger
But so have yearnings to die

If Satan is smart
which we know that he is
He'll fight for my soul
Just as I fight to live

Jesus is stronger
Jesus will win
So, Jesus take over
Deny Satan this kin

I can no longer fight
But know that You will
Save me from my thoughts
And Satan's thrill kill

Self hatred in full bloom
Spit on self worth
But you Lord have owned me
Since my re-birth

I call to you now
I want you to know
That Satan may be winning
My energy is slow

You promised your presence
You'll be at my side
Lord, please squash my doubts
Kill my sin, Kill my pride

Grow my faith in You
Not buds, but full bloom
Take over my thoughts
Tell Satan, "no room"

I love you and trust you
But I'm tired and depressed
I'm trying to be honest
You promised me rest

Win now the battle
That's inside ablaze
Show me life's worth
How faith can amaze

I hand it to You
I hand you my life
Though I wish it were easy
I'll grow in my strife

Just one request
Death thoughts are so strong
Relieve me this fight
As it's grown tiring and long

Take Me Over (2008)

Fog in my head
nothing to see
cloudiness here
building with dread

Just one day before
attractions all over
excitement around
enjoyment galore

Awaken to what
Can't figure it out
illness beginning
or stuck in a rut

Eyelids like lead
Ears filled with noise
Too tired to speak
Tempted by bed

Lord make me well
Please lift it from me
Take over my being
Bring me out of this hell

Praying for grace
trying to have faith
don't abandon me now
Can't survive at this pace

The Ruse (2008)

Abandoned and dark
Seeking the light
No vision ahead
Oh what a plight

Dreary and tired
alone and afraid
pits keep on growing
a grave being made

Seeking this not
wishing for truth
lies being whispered
quite convincing ruse

Evil be gone
Good shall prevail
Like stories and movies
Pray it's true in this tale

The Land of the Living (2008)

(This was written when things were seemingly getting better. I had stopped writing for awhile after this poem. Unfortunately, things didn't remain better.)

The Land of the Living
With Dry eyes and smiles
A land lost in time
Gone from view quite awhile

Covered in Ashes
Fallen from Grace
Hidden Away
Dark Empty Place

The Land of Survivors
Crawling through days
A land made of folks
Set in their ways

Covered in Sand
Heavy and Wet
Forgotten Obligations
Haven't been met

The Land of the Living
With Dry eyes and smiles
A land to be found
No doubt through tough trials

Covered in light
Shining for miles
No longer hidden
Dry eyes and smiles

Thoughts (2007)

Thoughts come, thoughts go, thoughts crowd my head
Racing, racing, sometimes wishing me dead
Sometimes ecstatic they can be
Laughing at fun, joy, and stupidity
Up, down, confused they circle and fly
Until internal emptiness, none left to say why

Rhyme (2007)

Consumed by the rhyme
Doesn't matter the time
Bright with light
Darkened night
Can't clear my mind

Round and around
Words are abound
Makes no sense
Can be tense
No peace to be found

Can be cool
Says the fool
Gone is the dread
That fills the head
An exception for now, not the rule

Battle (2007)

(In the very beginning, someone mentioned to me that the highs may have sounded a little fun. And, while, honestly I have grown to the point that they can be a little fun(knowing the alternative), they can also be very daunting. I wrote this poem after that because the highs seemed to be just another part of a me I didn't understand...)

Not just fearful of happiness, fearful of sad
Totally consumed with apprehension of mad
Not just mad, happy, sad as you will see
I've become phobic of a me to just be

Apprehensive of death, perplexed by life
Stuck in between with these feelings of strife
The battle inside causes me to cry
Is it better to live or better to die

Eternal damnation as sanction for self harm
Pushes life above death in a state of alarm
During times when that's all between living and dying
The melancholy controls for hours of crying

But the times that the happy has me high as a kite
Urge to drink and party are fought off with all might
Guilt disappears, fear goes away
Until normal returns causing dismay

Hate of myself, of who I've become
Try to cleanse the brain, but thoughts can't be undone
So, fun this is not, even the bliss
Control of my thoughts I truly do miss

Vivacity (2007)

Running away from myself
I so hope I can achieve
Trapped inside this body
Hurried thoughts won't leave

Energy that will not burn
No matter how hard I try
Move, sing, cry, shout
The power will not die

Silly as it seems
I write to let it go
The commotion bundled up within
I cope with what I know

Skepticism (2007)

No matter what I say
You will not comprehend
The affections of my heart
All mangled up and spent

Words can never tell
How wretched I do feel
My thoughts of self detest
Blending thoughts of me unreal

Unless you can relate
with a story of your own
I stick to firm belief
To you my woe's unknown

The Mustard Seed (2007)

Fighting fighting not to give in
Anger, sadness want to win

Seeing around me all the good that I have
Can't understand why I feel so bad

Headaches, panic are on their side
Trying so hard just to take it in stride

Unbearable, sometimes, the fight can be
Screaming, crying will become me

Maybe different today will turn out
Happy, content words are nicer to shout

But, oh so tired, do I feel
The kind, the good start to seem unreal

Struggling struggling to understand
Feelings, thoughts that seem out of my hand

Prayers make me feel utterly alone
Lost is the faith I used to call home

Taught faith required as small as a seed
Will bring hope and answers to those in need

Mine must be smaller:although a seed's not that big
To grow it inside, I really must dig

Some say to enjoy sun, you must suffer the rain
Only hope I don't drown in the flood of this pain

For the sun will rise, another hour or day
And I won't understand how the rain went away

But I'll enjoy warmth and hope the seed inside grows
So with faith I can fight the anguish nobody knows

Which Me?

(This poem was written at the very beginning of my major mood swings(I"m sure I've always had some...and am recalling more of them as I look back). But, I felt very confused and wasn't sure who I was...many times I still feel this way!)

Frightened not of me, but the me I don't know
The me that I am, sits back for the show

Me that I am, may be wrong terminology
Me that I thought I was, describes more accurately

To think that there's me thinking there's a me that I'm not
Is causing one of the me's nerves to be taut

Not sure who is who or who it is I thought I was
Thoughts in some me are causing a buzz

A buzz in my mind, a buzz in my ear
Causing life to be filled with unauthorized fear

I know the me that I thought I was feels
The me I don't know makes life quite surreal

Introduction

I'm not really sure what to write about me as an introduction. I've decided to share this blog with others with the remote chance that others that are battling their own issues may be able to relate and not feel as alone. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and an anxiety disorder, but hate to get caught up in labels.

The poems come from my heart. I am a devout Christian who knows the Lord is walking with me through these trials(and through the good times, as well). Many times, however, I don't hold onto the Lord. Instead, I push Him away. This is seen in the poetry(of course, I must always recommend clinging to the Lord as it'll be easier to get though your trials and tribulations!).

I will also post songs here and there that have touched my life(and obviously, their words I could never do justice to...)

Occasionally, there may be some poetry that is written just for fun(actually, that's my personal favorite). But, just to warn..I can be a bit silly.

I don't promise good poems, just some understanding into life's many trials and the pain and heartache that can be felt during the difficult times.

I pray for all of those that read this site and pray for those that battle their own demons in this world.

Christ's Love,
Karen